A couple weeks ago, as I was scrolling through my instagram feed, I saw that an artist by the name of Leanne was having a sale on her digital doodle commissions, so obviously I scooped up one for myself! This morning, I woke up to a DM of my finished commisson, and yall…it’s perfect! The photo that I submitted to her has so much sentimental value to me. It marks a period of painful transformation, of healing from trauma, and learning from my mistakes.
I had just released all toxicity from my life. Mainly toxic people.
And detox is HARD.
It is a painful, gutwrenching process, coming face to face with your own demons and acknowledging the hurt and pain you caused the ones you love, the ones trying to save you from the toxicity. I felt alone, isolated and unsure who I could trust. I am thankful everyday for the family and friends who came to me with their concerns. It let me know that it wasn’t just in my head, as I was lead to believe. I was trying desperately to find myself, and instead ended up losing myself completely. This photo, this moment in my history, documents when I found myself again. In an endless field of sunflowers. With some incredibly supportive and loving friends by my side offering me strength and love.
It was this moment when I knew that I was going to be okay. That I’m stronger than those who have ever caused me harm. I work everyday to be a better person then I was the day before, and that means a LOT of introspection and looking within. Of realizing and correcting mistakes, breaking patterns. Being vulnerable and openly communicating. Forever thankful for the beautiful, loving and strong people in my circle. And thankful for this photo to be immortalized into this lovely piece of art that I will forever cherish.
With So Much Love,
As we near the 3rd month of the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States (that feels so surreal to write), I’ve had A LOT OF FEELINGS , as well as a lot of time to process them. At the beginning, along with the intense fear of this virus, I felt a tremendous sense of loss. A crushing feeling of sadness.
Toward the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020, I felt optimistic, for once in my life I felt secure in my future and had solid goals I was sure I would hit. After years of being too afraid to put myself out there…. I started a local Fat Positive meetup group, and I finally took the plunge and started writing professionally. I felt financially secure for the first time in my adult life. But then…. the coronavirus took over. Suddenly, my once full calendar was now empty. Of course, for everyone’s best interest and safety, this is the best thing possible. Social distancing for the forseeable future. But I miss feeling busy. I miss challenging myself and writing about people and places that I am passionate about. And I felt majorly selfish about it. But all feelings are valid…that’s what i’ve been telling myself.
I felt an intense feeling of overwhelming anxiety to pivot and change EVERYTHING that I had just become so comfortable and confident doing. So, for my wellbeing, I stopped everything. I gave my mind and body the time it needed to recover. I wish I could say that every day, or that even most days are great, but I still struggle with this, as well as my pre-pandemic anxiety and depression. But I feel in control again, and for me, that’s the glimmer of hope I need to get me through this time. I hope whoever reads this finds their glimmer of hope, too.
We will get through. We are resilient.
Mayra Y. Mejia
*Wrote this a couple years ago on an old blog, but wanted to repost it in my new blog home. Welcome to Mayra Muses!*
I really love plants. Of all kinds. Flowers excite me. I love discovering new uses for plants, herbs, and leaves. Today, while sitting outside being bitten by mosquitoes, I realized that we are just like the plants that were surrounding me.
Some of us are loud, brilliantly colored flowers, commanding to be seen, breathtakingly beautiful and universally admired, bringing joy to the world with just one glance.
Some are robust, built for harsh weather. You can always rely on them to be strong, even if they don’t get watered as much as they should. They survive.
Some of us are wildflowers, who find a place we like, take root, and growing freely, flourish.
Some of us are a little more unassuming, oft-overlooked until you discover that what’s inside has had the cure to what ails you all along.
Maybe we could learn a lot more about ourselves if we paid a little more attention to our surroundings.
I do know one thing for sure…I have always had a weakness for wild flowers